Getting Where You're Going

I don't know about you, but I always feel like I'm waiting to get somewhere.

I'm not talking metaphorically...although I guess that's applicable too. I'm talking about physically waiting to get somewhere. I'm extremely satisfied with my present home (Madison, Wisconsin) and think it was the best place for my college life. I love my permanent home (Racine, Wisconsin) and wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I loved being in London, which is my "if-only-I-had-nothing-keeping-me-home" home. I love Arizona, my "my-grandparents-live-here-and-it's-great-because-it's-warm-hot" home.

But, regardless of how much I love my various "homes," I always feel like I want to be somewhere else. When I'm in Madison, I'm counting down the days to Phoenix or Disney or Chicago, or even back to Racine to be with family. When I'm in Racine, I can't wait to get back to Madison and live my own life outside of my family. When I'm away from home (be it Racine or Madison) I can't wait for the familiarity that is home to be back. It's all an endless, exhausting cycle.

Why do we do that? I surely can't be the only one.

Maybe it's because of my current relationship (or lack thereof) status. Don't get me wrong; my single-ness is an active choice on my part. I'm not in the right place in my life to be selfless and think about someone else in that facet; I need to focus on my dreams and my goals. I know that I'm the kind of person who gives my all to whoever I'm with, which is great(ish), but right now I need to focus on me. And it's terrific. But maybe it's the reason I never feel completely satisfied with where I'm at.

But at the same time, that can't be right either. When I was in a relationship I was always anxious to be elsewhere, too. Either I was anxious to be with my partner or I was anxious to escape dramatics surrounding my relationship (no matter how reluctant I was to admit it). So, what is it?

I'm thinking it's just the age. Correct me if I'm wrong (although I'm pretty sure no one over 25 other than my mother reads this), but maybe it's just the idea of fluidity and mobility and prospective far away dream places that makes me unsettled. I hated living life out of a suitcase (my first two years of college), but I love the idea of traveling and apartment hunting and job searching. Or maybe it's just that everything I love is in different places. I don't think I felt this way in highschool, when my family, my resources, my best friends, my boyfriend(s) were all right there. I didn't need to be somewhere else because, well, whatever I wanted was there. And now I want big things, like an awesome career and a law degree and a husband and babies and a nice car that doesn't squeak and a bigger apartment, that aren't here and I'm trying to figure out where they are.


Or, it could be the weather.


Yeah, it's definitely the weather.