Recently, getting up early hasn't been too difficult. Sleeping in has turned into sleeping until 8AM and then feeling like a lazy bum if I don't get up and do something. I hate when my apartment is messy. I feel guilty after every non-necessary purchase I make (But I still make them...not sure that that will ever go away, given who my mother is). I look at a muffin or a doughnut or any kind of pastry and just think about all the sugar and fat I would be ingesting if I ate that. All of these things were pretty much moot not even two years ago.
I've also started crying more. Not like, about my life or anything, but when I'm watching TV or a movie. If a protagonist dies, cue the tears. If lovers are forced to part, cue the tears. If someone is diagnosed with something awful, cue the tears. An animal dies? Cue the tears. It's like everything makes me weepy, even if it's not real or hasn't ever happened to me. I cried during an episode of "Charmed" last week. Harry Potter gets me every time. I used to not cry during Lion King or Fox and the Hound or any of those typical "makes-people-cry" movies. Now I can't stop myself.
I've started to think about finances. Admittedly a bit too late, might I add. Looking at apartments and trying to calculate how much money I will need to make in order to live in an apartment I like. Thinking about those student loans turning real in 6 months....meh. Trying to figure out how much food I can afford, or how many people I can buy Christmas presents for. Making decisions based on money, not based on yolo (okay, not all the time, but most of the time). Using my credit card for everything and throwing almost every dollar of my paycheck to it...I should probably change that. But anywho, finances. Growing up is dumb.
But at the same time, it's so exciting. I will be a real person next year. For the first time I can remember, I won't identify as a "student." I will have an actual profession (God willing) and will be totally on my own. Yeah, I'm on my own now, but not really. In a month my bedroom will be virtually not mine anymore, and in eight months I'll be in an apartment in Chicago with all of my childhood crap surrounding me. Unless my parents are awesome and keep most of it. That'd be great. Public transportation (which I will rely on) will not be free. My friends that I've made over the past 19 years of my life won't all be within an arms reach of me (with the exception of Megan, hayyy). I'll be a working woman, on my own and in a big city with the world as my oyster. Cliched as all get out, but true nonetheless. I've got nothing holding me back this time and can actually 100% truly embrace my surroundings without worrying about people back home, and it's an amazing feeling.
But hey, I still have a solid five months of college left. Time to embrace adolescence one last time, be thankful for my mom's checkbook, and live these last few moments as a UW student to the fullest. On Wisconsin!
 |
| This seemed appropriate. We all know how much I worry about horsemanship. |
