I'm about to be a grown-up. I'm sitting in my bedroom in my apartment in Madison for the last night. My walls are bare, closet empty, room especially echo-y. It's a feeling I've had before, since I've moved a few times over the past years. But this time, this time it's different. This time I'm starting a job that I've worked for, a job that requires a degree. I'm moving somewhere that's not in Wisconsin and I will be successful this time. I'm leaving all of my friends, with the exception of few, and it's going to be such a learning experience. But it will be so, so great.
Madison means the world to me. It brought me to the independent, self-confident woman I am today. For one, I wasn't able to run a mile straight when I first came here - now I run between two and four miles daily and I've ran Crazylegs twice. That in and of itself is an accomplishment. It's where I graduated from college. But it's also so much more - I got over the hardest breakup EVER in Madison. I learned how to be alone without being lonely. I learned that loving yourself really IS the best way to love life, as cliched as that is.
I think the reason I've been so anxious and stressed about moving isn't about the move itself - it's about leaving this place and the possibility that I'll leave the person I am, too. But on my run this morning the song "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons came on and it got me thinking. I'm sure you all know the lyrics, and this time they seemed oddly appropriate:
"And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top.
Don't hold back.
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check.
I don't ever wanna let you down,
I don't ever wanna leave this town.
'Cause after all, this city never sleeps at night.
It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then, I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was.
Now don't you understand?
I'm never changing who I am."
It just kind of hit me; I don't have to worry about losing myself, because I've always been there. Even underneath all of the relationship and break-up junk, I've always been this woman I am today; Madison and the people here gave me the strength to bring her out. And I'll always be so, so thankful to this city.
I'm ready for this move, and I'm excited. I'm going to post more often and update on all of the inner workings of a new-found grown-up in a big city; I'm sure it'll be more than awesome. SO AWESOME.
Stay tuned.
